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Tinder and hooking up... deliberations

3 years 9 months ago #7854 by Arrocee
Arrocee created the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
So, I don't know if anyone on here has heard about Tinder, but it's a dating/hookup phone app that has gained some popularity lately. Long story short, I'm a person with high inhibitions and no experience hooking up, but I wanted to try it out, so I put the app on my phone. (I also had no experience dating and some guys asked me out, so I ended trying that out and not appreciating it much. Haha).

Sure enough, there have been some guys requesting a hook-up, but because I'm so unfamiliar with doing this sort of thing, I feel like the type of person that would work for me is very specific and none of them 100% fit the bill. But, I've also been thinking, maybe the ideal partner for my hookup isn't someone I can actually or feasibly find. For instance, they'd have to:

-be OK with hooking up with someone with very little experience
-have been tested for STDs recently and clean (and willing to use protection, obviously)
-be physically attractive to me
-be somewhat intellectually attractive to me
-be calm and methodical about the process, and less into the whole building up romantic tension thing
-be willing to wait for my input at every step

All that is embarrassing to list... but yeah, it's kinda hard to find someone like that.
So recently I've been deliberating over whether to just do it with the latest guy to offer, even though I can tell his expectations about how to go about it would fluster me. I can't tell if I would be too uncomfortable the whole time to make it worthwhile, or if instead it would just be momentary flustering that I could get over and then enjoy the experience?

I don't know if anyone on here has anything to say about hookups, but what do you think? How do you feel about hooking up? Would you go through a hookup if you weren't sure whether you could actually go through with it? Or if no one seems like the perfect partner, but a perfect partner seems hard to come by? I guess this might be out of the realm of familiarity for anyone who might post on here, but this is the only forum I frequent, so I thought I'd ask.

tldr; should I hook up with someone if I know i might be too uncomfortable to really go through with it? or just uncomfortable?

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3 years 9 months ago - 3 years 9 months ago #7855 by shadowik
shadowik replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
Well my dear, I am a girl like you and I can understand you very well, But let me give you some advices because obviously you are still a young lady 

Well, first of all you want to know our opinion, right?
Answer : If I were you I would think twice before adding such program to my phone
Look my dear, it is better to not trust anyone you don't know from the men so easily, You really don't want to sell yourself so cheaply and being used as a toy for some stranger right ? 
You must be patient and wait for the true man to come and propose to you, and after marrying up, do whatever you want because no one will blame you 
Of course, you should do some STDs for you and your fiancé :3
I am, actually, strongly against the girl and boyfriend relationships, because we have a humanly way of having such relationships called Marriage  … Don't worry, it is fine to stay single for a few years and then have a family in the right way >>> Well, this was my opinion :3
So, let's move to your other Questions 
What do I think about hooking-up ?
ANS:- that would be fine if you are married, if not then it is not fine :3 , that is because I prefer to insure that the one I am hooking-up with will be mine forever instead of hooking-up with many men, changing each one of them whenever we have a fight … I don't see that would suit me at least  and it wouldn't be fair to any other woman to be played with by the men, right?

-How do I feel about hooking-up?
Well, I didn't try it yet, But my Cousin -18 years old, Female, has a baby boy and is studying orthodontic medicine- is happy with her husband and she enjoys her life with him >>> I guess you know what I mean So no need to specify ^^"
She is actually thankful because she now know her future is saved with the man she loved :3
Believe me, she didn't hook-up with anyone before marrying and she is a faithful wife, and a price for her pure heart god offered her a faithful husband who only loves her  >> That is a happy ending :3

- Is there no perfect partner ? or is it hard to get one?
Well, There is a perfect partner somewhere in this world, But it is hard to find .. I know many people who got their perfect partner by going in the right way, and to be honest, the perfect partner will never be found in dating programs >>> That is my experience 

- Should I go with someone I feel uncomfortable with ?
Sure not  , always think of yourself as a precious Jewel, So don't get yourself left in a cheap place  I know you are ways more better than that 
Last Edit: 3 years 9 months ago by shadowik.

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3 years 9 months ago - 3 years 9 months ago #7856 by shadowik
shadowik replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
Oh yeah, Now let's move to the medical view :)
1- Having 6 with a stranger raises the possibility of getting AIDS ( HIV disease )
2- Having 6 with more than one man – not necessarily in direct but in no more than 4 months gap between each man will cause Uterus cancer, and other genital diseases
3- Try to not cause yourself any psychological disorder after you break-up or while intensely thinking about your partner …
4- Most of our patients are females, and they are suffering from psychological disorders, You know why? Because of their partners who either misuse them or cheat on them or etc.
There are many other issues but I think these are enough for now 
I hope that didn't bother you, and wish you a nice life :3
-Do not frustrate yourself too much, it is not good for your health ;)
Last Edit: 3 years 9 months ago by shadowik.

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3 years 9 months ago #7872 by Arrocee
Arrocee replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
Aww, thank you shadow ^^ for you warm advice and input. I understand your perspective well, too, since I grew up with my mom sharing the same point of view (and repeatedly trying to instill it on me). I suspect that your views reflect the more traditional attitudes about sex. For me, I'm not worried about guys cheating on me, or treating me like a toy since I would be hooking up for my own pleasure rather than my partner's. About being exclusive for the person I'm supposed to end up with, I think that I do worry about that sometimes, but I'm more interested in having a rich variety of experience rather than being devoted to the one. Will I end up regretting hooking up for the "first time" with a guy that isn't as interesting to me as someone else I may end up liking later? Maybe, but I also don't want to regret never having sex at this point in my life, either. *shrug* I guess there's pros and cons to everything.

I devoted yesterday to deliberating over it a bit with two of my girl friends (one being coco, obviously) and I think I came to the conviction that I really do want to give it a shot, even at the risk of discomfiture, because that's how much I'd like to try out this lifestyle. It helps that the guy's promised that he's fine if we end up "just chilling," too, but still, I know it could be potentially awkward and hard for me even if we only try it out and then hang out. But my conviction remains, so I'm planning on going through with meeting up this time, only under the condition that I take care of other parts of my life, too. So so long as I don't get too sick and I finish some tasks that I need to take care of within the same timeframe.

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3 years 9 months ago #7874 by shadowik
shadowik replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
you are welcome my friend :)

and, My Dear! please do not try it that way,
you don't want to make your mom mad right? :/

My mom is so tense when it comes to these stuffs and she would never be happy if I did such things ,

Of course, it is up to you to decide in the end, but would you please give it a second thought ?

You may think it is only for your own pleasure, but what if you got attached to that boy later? what if you couldn't stand leaving him?

You know that it is ways more easier for men to leave the women without giving it a second thought , But, would you be okay with that?

would you really feel nothing is bad if you saw him with another girl ?
If one day your perfect man appeared and proposed for you, would it be fair for him to be untouched while you are the one touched in the story ? :/

If your father knew about that, would he be ok with it? would your mom be fine with you doing such things?

what if you get so attached to the boy that you couldn't concentrate well on your other works?

If you were to be a wife oneday, would your hasband still be able to trust you if he knew about that ? :l

Or would you be able to trust the men later in your life ?

what if the boy had some SRD and he kept that hidden from you ? Or what if he gets the HIV later and keep that as a secret ? would you be able to live a normal life if you got the same disease because of him ??

I really think about these Questions and some more whenever I get the idea of hanging out with someone..

for me, I don't think that It would be Ok to do such things, But I don't know about you :3 .. So please my dear, think of it carefully before regretting later:)

all the best

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3 years 8 months ago #7902 by SilverStone
SilverStone replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
I know that "hook up" used to mean having casual sex or dating without the early romantic parts, but I think that now, at least, it has broadened to mean meeting new people. While I do hold the more traditional viewpoint, I know a few classmates who have used the app just to meet other people outside of their normal circle of friends and acquaintances.

I think that Arro should be straightforward and say that she is not expecting anything sexual just yet, but mostly getting to know the other person (friend now, relationship possible.

As for the questions posed, it seems quite obvious to me why she is asking us and not her parents. I am personally against using Tinder, but Arro is definitely the kind of person who can adapt to new experiences. If she is thinking about this, it usually means she wants to do it. The good thing is that she has boundaries, and knows her own decent limits, so things can stop if necessary. The important thing is that Arro did try to reach out to others to ask what they think who may be more knowledgeable about the Tinder app and the modern "hook up" experience, but since she clearly chose her own path, we have to respect her chance to try something.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Yuzurin

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3 years 8 months ago #7906 by shadowik
shadowik replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
Oh, I see your point :3
thanks for explination

sorry but I don't know much about the slangs words :3

anyway, I do respect her opinion, but if she was my child I would have lectured her too much before letting her go :3 ...

well, anyway, It is up to her to choose what to do or not .. I am not her mother nor I have the right to stop her, and I am pretty sure that she is aware enough to decide for herself :3

wish you all a nice healthy life, :)

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3 years 8 months ago #8012 by Arrocee
Arrocee replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
I've never heard anyone talk about hooking up in a purely platonic sense. I meant it quite literally in terms of its most extreme meaning. lol...
Anyway long story short, I had resolved to go through with it and even let him know, but complications came up on his side before he could meet up with me, and then by the time he wanted to give it a shot again I had changed my mind. I'm like that sometimes. I think that I still really do want to try it out sometime, but after agonizing over it so much, I've also become aware of some of my hangups that make it somewhat unfeasible to force myself. I'll see how this year goes and if I can find someone who works better for me, so I don't have as much agonizing to do.

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3 years 8 months ago #8014 by shadowik
shadowik replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
Oh I see
I wish you find the man you can trust soon and live happily with him forever :3 the same wish goes for all unengaged girls :D I really encourage the soon marriage because of its many advantages and I do not encourage the other unwanted relationships ... so I wish you all a happy pure long healthy life :D

Best wishes ^w^

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1 year 5 months ago #9183 by Arrocee
Arrocee replied the topic: Tinder and hooking up... deliberations
Wow, overdisclosure much! I must've trusted you all a lot, and really wanted to work this out.
I'd say that, sometimes something doesn't seem quite doable because of just a couple blockers; but when you're interested enough in something, it becomes a goal you naturally work you way towards over time. I wasn't able to go through with a hookup the first few times I nibbled at the hook (hookup, hook, get it??? HAHA.) but finally when I found a suitable enough guy and felt ready enough, I went for it;

and it wasn't bad. It's a whole lifestyle I'm able to access now, though I pick and choose how often, of course.

I think it's one of those examples of when you naturally gravitate towards something because you want in your life, and when the right moment comes, you take a plunge. Even if you weren't quite able to up till that moment!

Endless continuation of reflection and overdisclosure :P

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